I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And then he peed in my hair
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