Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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