Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
