get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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