I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
