Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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