just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
