Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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