You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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