Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
