kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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