Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
