Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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