I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
