Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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