you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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