Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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