dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
