i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There are leaves in my underwear?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
