Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
