i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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