Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
