my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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