we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
