I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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