What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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