I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
