I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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