Slut skills are useful in every country.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
