I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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