you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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