i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
