i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
