I'm so fucking centered right now
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
