By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
