I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
