i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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