i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
