Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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