You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
