I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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