Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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