I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
