just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
