Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
a search helicopter?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
