i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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