she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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