someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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