Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
