i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
