I heard we made out
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
