I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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