I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
