Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
