just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
